Three (recent) examples of the Republican Party’s relentless march toward extinction

I have some free advice for the GOP — and a good business idea for any up-and-coming tech firm hoping to make a real difference in the world. Instead of drumming up and dreaming up new Obama scandals, what the party really needs to do is attach a special collar to all Southern Republicans to prevent them from mentioning rape in any context ever, ever, ever again.

Maybe it could work like this: Every time a Republican begins to say the word “rape,” the collar interfaces with the brain circuitry in his speech centers and forces him to say something entirely different — maybe “Ray Charles” or “raccoons.”

So then U.S. Rep. Trent Franks’ (R-Ariz.) recent statement about rape would have instead come out as “the incidence of raccoons resulting in pregnancy are very low,” which is just as embarrassing (and ungrammatical) as his actual comment but not nearly as offensive. Similarly, Todd Akin’s infamous comment about “legitimate rape” may have come out as “legitimate raspberry glazed ham with herb-infused truffle oil” or something similar. Again, very odd, but more or less forgettable.

Something has to be done, because the Republicans’ relentless march toward obsolescence — while extremely entertaining (when it’s not stomach-churningly offensive) — leaves open the possibility that we’ll soon become a one-party nation, and frankly that’s neither healthy nor fun.

Much has been made of the GOP’s looming racial demographic problem, but I would argue that the party’s biggest problem is generational. While Fox News’ audience is lapping up ladles full of crazy from Bill O’Reilly and Sean Hannity on a daily basis, younger folk are marching to the progressive beat of The Daily Show and identifying less and less with the social conservatism of their elders.

They need to address this problem posthaste, but first they need to stop going out of their way to offend the sensibilities of everyone born after the first moon landing — or at least after Fox Television aired that documentary implying that NASA faked the moon landing. (Remember that the next time you feel like giving Rupert Murdoch the benefit of the doubt.)

Following are three — really recent! — examples of the GOP’s complete tone deafness when it comes to securing the Millennial vote.

No. 1 (with a bullet): Wisconsin Legislature votes to require ultrasound before abortion can be performed: While our governor is turning down needed Medicaid dollars, our Legislature is looking to offset that blow to Wisconinites’ health and economic well-being by requiring unnecessary medical procedures — many of which will be invasive. As PR Watch points out, “While the bill does not specify that the mandatory ultrasound be transvaginal, medical professionals testified that in the first trimester (when most abortions take place), it can be difficult to detect a heartbeat with an abdominal ultrasound, thus making an invasive transvaginal ultrasound mandatory.”

Way to go, Republicans! While the public has a notoriously short memory and gaffes are generally forgotten by the time the next news cycle comes around, somehow I think women will remember this one the next time they show up at the polls.

No. 2: Rising Republican star Marco Rubio says there’s no reason to keep gay people from being fired for being gay: Rubio is one of the GOP’s shining stars and could help the party with Hispanic voters in 2016 should he choose to run. But he’s not exactly throwing out the welcome mat for every traditional Democratic constituency. When asked recently if he supported the Employment Non-Discrimination Act, which would protect gay people from being fired for their sexual orientation, Rubio said, “By and large I think all Americans should be protected, but I’m not for any special protections based on orientation.”

Interesting phraseology. It’s a little — or actually a lot — like saying, “I think all Americans should be protected, but I’m not for any special protections based on race.” The only difference? About 50 years.

If you think about it, Rubio’s comment is a complete non sequitur. Either you’re protecting people from being fired for who they are or you’re not. Otherwise, there’s no point in passing a nondiscrimination law. Who exactly are the “people” he thinks should by and large be protected? Wall Street bankers?



And No. 3 … Republicans are still, still, still on the barely veiled racist birther kick: Just last Friday, Rep. Jeff Duncan (R-SC), chairman of the House Homeland Security Oversight Subcommittee, appeared on a radio program called TruNews With Rick Wiles and questioned the president’s “validity.”

Via ThinkProgress:

WILES: While you guys are rounding up and deporting the illegal immigrants, any chance the House may actually pursue Barack Obama’s phony identification papers? That’s the original scandal, congressman.

DUNCAN: People should have voted against him in November. I’m afraid that that wouldn’t get to the Supreme Court where it ought to get.

WILES: But if we know they’re lying about all these other things, why not go back and say, “Well maybe the first scandal was a lie, too?”

DUNCAN: There you go. I’m all with you. Let’s go back and revisit some of these things because Americans have questions about not only the IRS scandal but also about the president’s validity.

The death knell of any species is its inability to adapt to a changing environment. Living in the past is not an option. Someone needs to tell the GOP right quick or the dinosaur that Noah rode down Mount Ararat won’t be the only one that conservatives remember fondly.

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