On Romney, the Wisconsin primary, and Tammy’s Senate run

As I write this, I’m still struggling through a persistent cold. Just a couple of weeks ago, I remember smugly thinking that I’d gone through the entire winter without ever getting sick. I caught this particular pestilence on the last official day of winter, during the most supernaturally unseasonable conditions I think any of us have ever experienced.

When I was a younger, more petulant man, I would have probably said this proves that God hates me. I’m older and presumably wiser now. So I say to you, there may be a God, and he may love all of his children, but he has a bit more of a sense of humor about some.

So as my brain is currently firing on at most two cylinders, fueled by the rapidly evaporating fumes of Tylenol PM, grossly unnecessary doses of vitamin C, and a uniquely painful menage of existential angst and throat tickles, I figured I’d just blurt out my thoughts like Rick Santorum at a Texas psychedelic toad-licking contest. Stop me when I hit 20 column inches.

It’s a wrap – most likely: It looks like Rick Santorum has finally been voted off the Island of Misfit Toys that is the 2012 Republican primary field – Louisiana notwithstanding. Illinois went Romney’s way, as expected, and any other candidate would be hard-pressed to beat him. Now Romney can commence his drift to the center, where he’s most comfortable. He will now need to appeal to severely moderate voters and disaffected Democrats while somehow hanging onto the Republicans’ conservative base. Look for the number of owners he claims to be friends with to expand: Hollywood studio owners, Hacky Sack moguls, the head of the international patchouli syndicate. It could get interesting. You can’t be all things to all people, but Romney sure is going to try.

Who is the real Mitt Romney? A very rich man who wants to be president. Why do I suspect that if he is elected president, he’ll be sporting Martin Van Buren sideburns and riding a Lipizzaner stallion draped in his family’s coat of arms around the White House Rose Garden inside of a week?

Primary dullards: As usual, the presidential primary race will be all but over by the time Wisconsin’s primary comes around, which means we were never given a choice as to which frothing loony was best suited to run against Obama in November. No fair, and no fun. My choice now comes down to staying home and watching our dog discover new inedible things to eat, voting for one of the two foregone conclusions, or casting a protest vote against science, reason, and the continued availability of birth control. Oh, well. We’ll get to feel important again during the general election.

Recall fever and chills: I’m starting to regret, ever so slightly, hoping for a gubernatorial recall election. For one thing, I’m less and less confident that the Democrats can pull it off, and I’m worried that Wisconsinites will begin to view the effort as a sort of failed bloodless coup, a la the Clinton impeachment. This could embolden Scott Walker, and he’s already obnoxious enough as it is. But the true regret may come when the political ads really start to roll in. I just saw a particularly facile anti-Kathleen Falk, anti-Tom Barrett ad, and I felt kind of like Tippi Hedren the first time she got hit in the head by a goldfinch. Oh, it’s coming. Duck.

Baldwin? Madison.com poll: If the U.S. Senate election were held today, which candidate would you vote for? Tammy Baldwin, 69%; Tommy Thompson, 15%; None of the Above, 6%; Mark Neumann, 4%; Eric Hovde, 3%; and Jeff Fitzgerald, 3%.

Welcome to the Senate, Tammy! It’s just a formality, but I’m sure the folks in Hayward will be falling right in line.

As much as I’d love to see an out lesbian in the Senate – if only to torture Bill O’Reilly, who’s still recovering from the Al Franken thing – I just don’t see it happening. Sure, among the subset of people who live in Dane County, know how to use a computer, and actually read newspaper copy, Baldwin is a runaway favorite. But among people who have killed a deer with anything other than a Prius, I’m guessing she barely registers.

I’m rooting for her, but I’m afraid Tommy is going to crush Tammy.

… And I feel fine: Clintonville earthquakes, 80 degrees in winter, Rick Santorum with more than .3% of the vote. If the end of the world is coming, I need more signs. How about a Brewers World Series victory? Now that would be a real nice harbinger of doom.

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