Freakynomics

I can explain Tiger Woods’ behavior in business terms. Or, more properly stated, in behavioral economic terms. Call it Freakynomics, the study of Homo Sapiens Super Res, or Man Away on Business. This explains why so many girls seem to be, excuse the expression, coming out of the Woods. It is not just because Tiger has what we call an admirable zest for living. It is because he travels a lot.

Consider the following graph:

This shows Man’s Propensity to Fool Around (“PFA”) as correlated to Distance From Wife (“DFW”). You will note that PFA increases dramatically with DFW. Put another way, the farther the cat is away, the more he feels like playing with mice. The DFW is not measured in miles. It measured in what I like to call the log scale. (If you need to know more about that for clarification, you are too young to be reading this.)

PFA almost always peaks at Las Vegas. If you live 3,000 miles from Las Vegas, your PFA increases until you get there. Same thing if you live only 50 miles from there.

PFA declines after the Las Vegas distance. Either the man has language problems on his trip, or the water is bad, or he has just decided to turn the car around and go back to funtown. Las Vegas is it, baby.

We also measured the wife’s response to Homo Sapiens Super Res. Her response is called PWF (“Propensity of Wife to Find Out”). The chart of PWF is shown below, superimposed on the PFA chart. We also added the PFA end points, (“H”) Home and (“LV”) Las Vegas.

You will note that PWF rises dramatically as the Super Res man leaves the home. Our research shows that wives are very vigilant through almost all distances. But vigilance decreases inexplicably at the distance equal to the distance between Wife and Las Vegas. Put in layman’s terms, Wifey has not figured out the Vegas thing.

The domestic conflict is understood when one superimposes PWF on PFA, as seen in the following figure:

Where the red line is higher than the blue line, the man is in Las Vegas. He is safe there, at least for the moment. (This data only describes the period between the wife saying “Have a good trip, dear” and “How was Vegas?” Electronic evidence left around the residence can result in unfortunate episodes … even weeks after the actual trip. We do not understand the electronic evidence thing. It happens in Vegas, it stays in Vegas. Why put it on video? )

When the blue line is above the red line, the man is ready to fool around. But the woman is even more ready to find out. This zone is the most misunderstood zone in modern domestic economics, affecting billionaires and bankrupts alike. And it causes more wealth transfer than Messrs, Goldman and Sachs at an AIG executive retreat.

That’s why we call it the Danger Zone.

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