And the Oscar goes to … Scott Walker DuJardin

Want to succeed in life? Get a dog and flash those pearly whites. (Or, if you’re J. Lo, you have other assets to flash. Oscar slip?)

I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed Sunday evening’s Oscar awards telecast. Although I also stay up late to watch the Republican presidential debates, which demonstrates my predilection for disaster movies. Still, I wondered how the feel-good, nostalgic atmosphere of last night’s movie awards ceremony would play out here in Wisconsin.

We could use some warm fuzzies in this, the second straight year of political discord. Anyone who ventured into the State Capitol a year ago found the rotunda extremely loud and – after a few overnights – incredibly close.

I confess to a major Seinfeldian man-crush on Jean DuJardin, the winner of the Best Actor award at Sunday night’s Oscar program.

Not every man looks good smiling. (My face hurts when I try.) DuJardin has a face that lights up a darkened theater. He is self-deprecating in his slight hamminess. DuJardin ranks high on the likability scale, which has got to factor into his big win. It helps beaucoup that this French national proclaimed, “I love this country.”

Later, when The Artist won Best Picture and the producers and cast assembled on the stage, it was DuJardin who scooped up his co-star, Uggie the dog.

That’s what Scott Walker should do. Get a cute dog and take it everywhere, just like DuJardin’s character did in the movie. (Walker to the Milwaukee John Doe investigation: “You can’t make me talk!”)

If need be, pencil on a thin mustache. If nothing else, folks might mistake him for the Gallic phenom. The governor could maybe do a little soft shoe the next time he takes the podium. Perhaps a duet with Rebecca.

The unexpected is always disarming. Like Tommy Thompson declaring, “Get the hell out of my way.” I pictured Tommy as the engineer of the runaway train in Hugo’s nightmare.

Speaking of Tommy, the nearest award show equivalent, Christopher the Plummer (his tea party name), was the oldest award winner and shows no signs of slowing down. Both gentlemen are sentimental favorites.

By contrast, when Meryl Streep joked, “Oh, no. Come on, why? Her again!” I thought of Kathleen Falk. This is The Iron Lady’s third try for statewide office. Always the Bridesmaid.

I don’t mind if host Billy Crystal skews old, because your scribbler is skewing right along with him. Riffing off Midnight in Paris, a taped segment in Sunday night’s awards program had Justin Bieber beckoning the host to his limo. Also in the back seat is Billy Crystal’s alter ego, the medallioned “Sammy,” instead of the Fitzgeralds. Scott and Zelda, that is. Not Scott and Jeff.

Only I see The Kathleen going up to the 1920 Peugeot Landaulet and finding Marty Beil and Mary Bell in the backseat. “Get in. You’re coming with us,” they command. Ryan Gosling could play the driver.

Just like Woody Allen last night, the Wisconsin no-show is Herb Kohl (played in the youth flashbacks by Russ Feingold).

I supposed Wisconsin’s unionized government employees think of themselves as “The Help.” Scott and the Fitzgeralds (that ‘50s doo-wop group) would be well advised not to eat any chocolate pie they may be offered.

Here are the 11 best moments of the 2012 Oscar awards program, as recorded by The Daily Beast.

Capital Times is punked

When you are a true believer, you subject yourself to hoaxes that play to your preconceptions. So-called labor cartoonist Mike Konopacki likes to draw Daddy Warbuck types grinding the poor working stiff into the ground. So why would he punk The Capital Times, the most pro-union non-union news outlet in the world? But he did it here.

Which is curious that Konopacki has a gig with the university. He’s an adjunct instructor in the UW School for Workers. The likes of Mike Morgan, Paul Soglin, Louis Butler, et al., have found soft landings at the UW. Who is the last conservative to get a nice sinecure? Does Mark Bugher count? 

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