Jan 3, 201308:01 AMBlaska's Bring It!
with David Blaska
The Rose Bowl has thorns; Gabby Hayes says ‘bring on 2013’
(page 1 of 2)
Darn, dang, heck, jiminy Christmas, shoot, dad-gummit, and consarn-it!
I want Gabby Hayes as the color man for the next Badger appearance in the Rose Bowl. “Gol-darned, dad-burned, freaky tie-wearin’, horn-swogglin’, trust-funding Stanford whipper-snappers!”
Who can argue with that frontier gibberish? What is it about Midwest football? The Big Ten went 1-4 in bowl games. Those of us who live vicariously are stoking our BTU-deprived inferiority complexes. Maybe UW should stop scheduling all those correspondence schools. Stanford plays Notre Dame in non-conference; Wisconsin plays DeVry.com. Either that, or move the Rose Bowl to the U.P. and rename it the Shad Bowl.
Watched the Tournament of Roses Parade for the first time in years – on the Hallmark Channel, as befits a Squire in the autumn of his years. For commercial advertisements, the cable channel floats a modest-sized box on the screen, and briefly, without cutting away from the narration or all of the picture. Hadn’t seen that before. Works for me.
• The Korean War float
• The various horse patrol breeds (especially the chocolate and whites)
• Parade of classic tractors. Cousin John rehabbed a 1953 John Deere 50 that I remember from the farm. Wish I had the Allis Chalmers G we used in tobacco. It was the tractor equivalent of the Morris Mini.
• The nearly naked guys from Tuvu. (See slide #26; Host Bob Eubanks said he’d be arrested if he wore something like this. Not in San Francisco, Bob.)
Highlights of last year? Two will suffice:
1) June 6, 2012. Scott Walker turns back the Angry Fisters.
2) Feb. 7, 2012 (a day that will live ... in INFAMY!): First Blaska’s Bring It! blogge. (A collector’s item!)
Will 2013 be a lucky year?
The white lab coats at the Blaska Policy Research Werkes and Tanning Salon (coupons must be redeemed by 01-07-2013) jump-started the Sperry-Rand Univac computer and came up with this forecast (accurate to +/- 15 degrees):
• Obama proposes federal bailouts for Illinois and California, blames Republicans.
• So-called “assault weapons” ban proposed but does not pass Congress.
• Instead of asking state Republicans to cooperate with minority Democrats on a mining bill, one brave mainstream news media outlet calls on one Democrat – just one, mind you – to work with majority Republicans.
• Legislature allows school districts to permit licensed staff to conceal weapons in schools.
• Some Democrats vote against income tax relief for the middle class.
• Summer is almost as hot as 2012 but not as dry.
• Dow Jones average hits 15,000.
• Brewers win division.
• Packers draft Montee Ball early in second round.
• Police Chief Noble Wray will take a job in a bigger town.
• George Hesselberg gets his column back in the State Journal.
• A government entity stakes Kaleem Caire to his charter Madison Prep Academy. Madison School Board remains under union thumb.
• Marty Beil applies for unemployment insurance.
• Paul Soglin considers, but dismisses, chance to weigh in on new schools super. (How do I prove this?)
• Liberals fail to unseat state Supreme Court Justice Patience Roggensack despite vicious smear campaign.
• Republican Legislature takes first step to make state superintendent of schools a non-elected, gubernatorial cabinet position (as it should be).
• Major employer (500+ jobs) announces move to Wisconsin.
• Lincoln wins Oscar as Best Film. D-Day Lewis is best actor. The Flying Nun is best supporting actress, Al Gore’s former Harvard roommate is b-supporting actor.
• George W. Bush named next baseball commish.
• Chris Christie suffers major health issue and/or loses weight.
• Comrade John Nichols and/or Fighting Ed Garvey will fault Tammy Baldwin for insufficient progressive zeal (see next item).
• Mitt Romney adopts a Russian child, in defiance of Putin. It’s a boy.
• Tommy Thompson named next chancellor of UW-Madison.
• The Big Ten expands into El Salvador and Guatemala.
• The Radio Slymer, desperate for a gig, issues an abject apology to the Divine Miss Vicki, prays the rosary, does a novena, renounces Satan, gets job as Walmart public address announcer.
• Israel smites Iran.
• A famous person will perish. (Hey, I’ve got to increase my winning percentage.)