Aug 8, 201411:06 AMBlaska's Bring It!
with David Blaska
Hulsey to declare moral victory next Tuesday; heads and manure digesters explode!
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It says here.
The white lab coats here at the Blaska Policy Werkes tried jump-starting Old Sparky, their Eisenhower-era mainframe computer, but it was no go. In desperation, they backed a Farmall Model H tractor to the big mess of wires and blinking tubes and hooked it to the power takeoff. Lit up like Elver Park on the Fourth of July, with more smoke than a Grateful Dead concert.
Sure, more recent models can be had. A company called “Apple” is said to market a model friendlier to the user. But nothing predicts election results like Old Sparky when it’s right. Here are its Tuesday, Aug. 12, partisan primary election predictions:
• My man Brett Hulsey gets 5% of the Democratic vote for governor, declares a moral victory, finds new ways to make news.
• Abortion advocate Lisa Subeck wins because she is more leftist than her colleague on the Madison Common Council, Mark Clear. She replaces Hulsey in the west side 78th Assembly District, as there are no Republican challengers. All four Assembly members representing Madison will be female.
• For attorney general, Jefferson County DA Susan Happ rides her Harley-D to victory over Ismael Ozanne, district attorney in Dane County, and State Rep. Jon Richards. Happ will be a formidable opponent for Republican nominee Brad Schimel. J.B. Van Hollen is not running for re-election.
• Millionaire Duey Stroebel emerges from a strong four-way pack in the 6th Congressional Republican primary to replace retiring Tom Petri but with less than half the vote.
• Voters in the 17th Senate (southwest Wisconsin) rebuke Democratic Party bosses when they choose Ernie Wittwer over the handpicked, professional Madison politician Patrick Bomhack. The winner must still confront State Rep. Howard Marklein, who is well financed. Dale Schultz, who identifies as a Republican, is retiring.
• A re-emergent Gary George gives incumbent Gwen Moore a good scare in the Milwaukee congressional primary. George would be a big improvement. Moore is an embarrassment.
• In the new 21st district, combining rural and suburban Racine and Kenosha counties, Jonathan Steitz barely edges once-recalled incumbent Van Wangaard for virtual election as a Republican senator (although a Democrat will appear on the November ballot). But it’s close. (Old Sparky flip-flopped several times on this one.)
• Dave Mahoney wins 95% of the vote for another deserved term as Dane County sheriff over a totally clueless opponent.
• And, finally, Dewey Defeats Truman. (I just report what Old Sparky decides.)
Only in Wisconsin! Exploding manure digesters! Lobbyists for the Policy Werkes are asking Supervisor Ronn Ferrell to introduce a resolution at the next County Board meeting to name the exploding manure digester after its founder, The Kathleen (Falk). (Although it is privately owned and operated.)
Self-guided, interactive tours of “The Kathleen Memorial Manure Digester” in rural Waunakee would cycle through the life and times of the environmentally addicted former county executive. A life-sized animatronic of The Kathleen waves mechanically; a recorded voice greets middle-school class trips with the words “15 days since last spill; eight days since last explosion.”
Hey, manure happens.